Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
