Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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