Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Farmville is her only friend.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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