So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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