I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
