She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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