Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
