You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
