you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
