this boner is exhausting
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
