I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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