We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
