i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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