so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
