I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
