turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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