I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
