the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
