dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
