Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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