This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
