he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize