I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
