I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
zippers are such a cool invention
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
