I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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