So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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