I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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