Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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