why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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