fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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