I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Are we still banned from the library?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
