I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
