I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
