so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
