Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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