her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
