new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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