Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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