The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
