Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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