Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
