i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
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I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
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Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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