my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dick very happy bro
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
