Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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