I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
