Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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