Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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