so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
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Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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