Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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