So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Swine flu is the new snow day.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
