my mouth tastes like poor choices
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
