Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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