I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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