I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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