used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
