just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
