what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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