mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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