Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
