those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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