Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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