It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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