THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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