New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
