There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
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