'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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