I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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