i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
