i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
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Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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