Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
