DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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