There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
