I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
