Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
