She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
