I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she peed on how many people?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
