Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
