I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
